The Cat and Olive Connection

Today I turn my back on menial household chores and college administrative hoop-jumping to shine light on a clandestine operation known as the Cat & Olive Connection. It's true: I stumbled across an international feline olive-smuggling operation that was uncovered when I found a dead foreign ambassador on my doorstep. He had been shot sometime the night before and had clearly managed to crawl up to the top of the stoop before dying. On a shred of paper in his pocket, the only clue: a hastily-scrawled note that read: Uncle Argyle is the key. Basement. Dryer.

Unable to decipher the meaing of this cryptic clue, I sat down on the couch and helped myself to a jar of olives. Who was this Uncle Argyle and how was he involved with the ambassador's assassination? The puzzle pieces were all there, I just needed to make them fit. My eyes drifted to the olive jar. And then I had my answer. Counterfeit olives!

I raced down to the basement, my heart thudding in my ears as I made my way to over to the washer and dryer. I flung open the door of the dryer, poked my head inside, and sure enough there was an entire underground facility dedicated to counterfeiting olives. And all operated by furry felines with nimble paws!

I rang Constable Jenkens, who was quick to lead a task force into the dryer to shut down the operation. Those pimiento-stuffing, olive-shucking privateers were wrangled and cuffed, though no one was able to single out the mastermind, that fiendish Spaniard known as Uncle Argyle. He had escaped without a sound, no doubt to plan some other wiley scheme.

As the Constable's vehicle drove away a solitary figure watched from a window across the street, purring loudly and nuzzling a jar of olives...